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05 October 2006 @ 08:35 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 142: Question 142  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 1432


What are your thoughts about monogamy?


Ha! Monogamy, monogamy. Monogamy, now, monogamy, what do I think about monogamy? Oh, that’s splendidly rich, that’s what it is. I’ve had a threesome with two vivacious ladies, my oh my, while still married. While I was married, I was a swinger, and, I engaged in so many deviant sexual experiences you might think me just a little crazy. But, oh! I’m plenty crazy, and that is what I enjoy about my life, the fact that I am not held by some of the more conventional aspects of society. I do not break the law, no, no, I am not that kind of person, but I still do things that no perfect, normal, person, would ever think of. If I am the submissive, then I will be led, but, oh, but, if I am the dominant, then I will lead, and how gloriously I do both, if I may say so myself.

Back when the world was young, everyone, at least, every person, probably was monogamous, in one way or another. I mean, of course they were, for a certain period, in history, because, that’s the way things went. In the eyes of the church in medieval times, the whole world, rich and poor, old and young, were infantile fools, too weak and powerless to take care of themselves entirely, properly. As such, they had to be taken care of, they had to be guided, encouraged, to make the right choices, or face eternal suffering and damnation. Submit to the authority of the church! Let it supervise you and your morals so you enter through that pearly white gate into eternal glory! Do not have a concubine, but produce an heir anyway, even if you don’t love you wife, because we will ostracise you and jail you if you have an illegitimate child, and so on and so forth. Essentially, you were fucked, and not in the literal sense, if you ever did anything wrong, because church, society, and the all prevailing legal system, could rain holy shit down upon your head.

The thing that most entertains me about medieval England, is the way people were meant to have sex. They were meant to have sex the least amount of times possible, which meant the minimum number of times necessary for procreation. Whilst having sex, the people were to do it in tiny, restricted, number of positions, which were to induce the minimum amount of pleasure, and, to top it all off, people could only have sex on certain days, and at certain times. Certain days and certain times! Preposterous!

I have no qualms with monogamy. What kind of marriage I possessed, was monogamous when we felt like it, and not monogamous when we didn’t feel like keeping ourselves to one person. There was this great, powerful, most special understanding, between Marianne and myself, that we both came first to each other, no matter what happened between us, or who we were fucking. I guess, that’s what makes it so hard, without her, because, when I had her, I had my perfect soul mate. She was, my perfect soul mate, my love, my lover, my wife, my best friend, my life, my wondrous beauty, my everything. Watching the towers crumbling down, being so close, and fleeing, just, fleeing, away from it all, to the safety of my own home, and not returning till the next day, some might say I’m a traitor. But I tell you this, I am not, because I made the right decision in going home. If you had seen my hands, still smelling like fish or garlic or ginger or lemon grass, or God knows what, they shook like nothing I have ever seen, and my whole body seemed heavy with lead. Try as I might, try as my mind did, I could not stop the shaking, or the heavy feeling, until I had gotten into my own home, and attempted to sleep. I knew, the moment I walked away from it all, that I had made the right decision, because, I simply, just could not have, fought fires, safely, in such a state. I needed to give my mind time to clear, and my body, time to try and rest, or, at least, provide the illusion of peaceful sleep. I still regret, sometimes, not going to fight the fires on that first day, but, there is nothing I can do to help that. No matter how much I move on from that event, there will still things I will always, occasionally, regret, and wish I had done something different about. There is, really, no helping, such feelings, because, they’re true, and ingrained, into my very human nature.

I can be monogamous if I want, but I also like to not, be monogamous, and either way is fine with me. As long as you aren’t killing someone, or causing them lasting harm, or hurting them, or doing anything illegal like that, then monogamy, or a drastic lack of it, is perfectly ok. Of course, legal issues aside, in a situation, and relationship, that is not monogamous, both partners must know what the other is doing, and they both must have consented to it being done. It really defeats the purpose of having a non monogamous relationship, unless that’s what floats your boat, to go around behind your partner’s back. Naturally, though, if a relationship, is indeed, a monogamous relationship, then sleeping with someone else other than the first partner, is cheating, and cheating, especially in that kind of way, is never right.

I don’t ever think I’ll marry again. Of course I won’t, because Marianne was my one great, true, absolute, pure love, but I’ll still be out there, loving, making love, having sex, tying people up to bedposts. The sexual creature that I am, can not be downplayed and put into hiding, it can not be captured and locked away, because, simply, such feats, can’t be done. I am a lover, and a great one at that, if I do say so myself, and I am also a swinger, a deviant, and a lover of BDSM and other sexual lifestyle quirks. I love loving, and being loved, because it’s an intrinsic, so very absolute, part of my nature and being. My soul though, is not entirely consumed by lust and absolute desire. My soul is smart, my soul, is my guidance, and it tells me, that I can not ever find someone to replace my wife, because, I know, I know so very truly, that she was an irreplaceable angel, a beautiful, lovely gift. Such a beautiful creature, and human being, can not, have another put in its place, but she, she was perfect, in absolute.

So, until I die, I shall continue to have relationships, I shall continue to love and cherish, but I will not find someone to put in her place, I will not find someone exactly like her, who makes me feel just like she did. I’m not being stubborn here, it is just the plain, yet utterly so complex fact, that, Marianne, Marianne my wife, and Marianne my love and lover, was, and still is, my everything. I can’t move on past her, in such a way as to find someone to try and fill that void, with someone or something else, because I loved her so much, and so strongly, that she is irreplaceably by anyone and anything. True love has two paths for people. You can love someone truly, have them go away, and then find someone else, or, you can be the kind of person who will keep on going, but who will never fill the void, the hole in their heart, when their loved one departs, just, simply, because, they can’t. It’s not that their weak, it’s not that these people, are selfish, they just can’t replaced what they’ve lost. I’ve been lucky enough, at least, to have found my true love, and to have had her for so long, so, when it comes to admitting such a thing, I’m proud to say, in so many ways, that I’m of that second breed. I can’t replace what I’ve lost, I never will be able to, but, at least I had it, and at least I’m still here, and continuing onwards and upwards, even after she has gone. I like that, about me, and, I like the fact, that she was such a person, that she did such a thing to me, and my heart. It makes me happy, and proud, and, that, that’s just, great. Just, fucking, great.
 
 
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