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29 March 2009 @ 04:18 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 276: Question 276  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 1057


Are you an only child? Write about your siblings or lack thereof.


Ah, yes, I am an only child. Not for lack of love on the part of my parents, but life in New York City, like is does in many other places I am sure, simply carried us on our way before we knew what was what. One year my mother might mention having another child, and the next she was on with her job and my father was on with his job and I was on with going to school, with growing up, with living life. As the simple strumming of a guitar inevitable gives way to silence once the performance ends and the coffee shop closes, so did the hum of a possible sibling. I have, at times, questioned myself as to what a brother or sister would be like, and in the course of my life, I have read articles and written works on such a topic, if not to avail a sense of curiosity, then to simply satiate an internal knowledge for the meandering wonderings of other people.

Conclusion wise, I had just as many great childhood experiences and awkward moments as any person with a sibling does. I could hardly miss emotionally, or miss out lifestyle wise, on something that I never had, after all. Maybe the financial structure of the household was a little securer than some people, but that is just a statement as about irrelevant a comparing Batman to Robin in feats of strength and costume design. It may be a point to some, but it’s not a contention that I see as grievous, or cause for undue guilt. Oh yes, I may have had no siblings, but I had friends, I integrated myself into a wonderful life of friends and bits and pieces of family when they visited us. I had sleepovers and get togethers, and I was picked on by the older brother or sister of my fellow cohorts, just as if I was related by blood. In many ways, I had the experience of someone with a brother or sister, through my friends, except that the actual reality was that I had neither gender of sibling, to speak of.

I can, in retrospect, be fairly proud that it did not damage me either, having no brothers or sisters, as it seems to do to some people, creating in them some undue fear of companionship, or being able to handle the troubles of their own children’s tumults. I have no fear of being left alone, because, now especially, I am alone, and my need to continue living and surviving, far outweighs any hidden desire to leap off the face of the Earth. For the time I had them at my side, I did have and successfully raise, two children, two boys, who for all their little squabbles, appeared to me to get on fairly well. Sufficiently so that I can further back up my assumption than I am no further damaged by being an only child as I would be whole trying to be stabbed to death with a sword made out of printer paper.

If I ever had those days where I wished for some company of my own age which would remain at length inside the household, Marianne sufficed that need quite quickly once we began friends, later to be lovers, or perhaps, we were lovers all along. Those quiet nights of childhood I spent with her sleeping over at my house, first at traditional sleepovers, and later, in my bed, head on my chest, throughout our adolescence, they quite filled any lingering need I may have had for close contact with someone more my own age, and not from my parent’s generation. Not a blood relation to me, she very much filled any hole, if there was one, of a brother or sister, caring for me when I was sick and playing trucks with me when I got home from school. Of course, I wouldn’t sleep with a brother or sister if I had one, but I’m trying to make an analogy here between what I have actually had in my lifetime, with the pretend idea of me actually having had a brother or sister, or more, of not being an only child.

I suppose it is nostalgic, but when my wife died, it felt like a part of me died with her, and that I may never get it back. I can liken this to any pain someone who loves their sibling, might feel in their passing, because not only was my wife my wife, she was my lover, my friend, my confidant, the closest thing I had to having a sibling, someone who loves you because of a bond that does not need to be simplified and explained out in so many words. To be simple though, I can look at the situation of not having a brother or sister, like a sports game. A game of sports, like many other things in life, is not only the sum of its parts, but the sum of the people who put it together. People get so angry at unnecessary last minute team changes because the team already works well. However, it may be just as likely that the new teammate will be just as good, and eventually, become part of that family, that inner sanctum of comradery that sports teams are meant to have.

My parents, my team, they made a decision to only have one child, because their time worked fine like it did. Sure, I am very aware of the fact that another child would not have changed anything much, if anything at all, but the fact is that it could have gone either way, me having a sibling, a d it went the direction that I ended up with no sibling at all. The team still worked, and while we as a family unit had no more members, we worked, we loved each other, we were, and still are after all the loss we have had, still good people. That is the thing about single child or multi child families. As long as the children are good people, being a single child or a child with siblings, really doesn’t matter. It never mattered to me much, if anything, at all, and it still does not, nor, I doubt, will it ever.
 
 
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