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15 September 2008 @ 10:23 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 248: Question 248  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 963

Would you make a good spy? Why or why not?

I have never been a spy. Obviously not as I am neither proficient in killing or in some sort of spy protection program that may hide my identity from future or possible revenge seekers. I do not lead an entirely secretive life, I am not extremely weapons proficient, and I own far too many things to make packing them up at a moment’s notice extremely easy. I have, however, slept with a spy, in her own house mind you, once many years ago, and she didn’t own anything much that looked extremely important. Of what she did, I am pretty sure she could have packed it into one or two suitcases. Then again, I don’t make a habit of seeking out and sleeping with extreme secret agents of this nature, so I am not sure what, nowadays, a spy actually does, if they exist in such mythical lengths.

People who spy, I guess you could call some of them secret agents, they must disguise themselves to be different, and they must be able to do what they are needed to, achieve what has asked of them, and secure any information that is desired. Of true spies, I have met very few, and of secret agents, I have met more and slept with more also, so I’ve come to assume that they are actually separate things. However, the nature of a spy implies that they go into darker territory in far off lands, yet, of course, how are we meant to know that? The life of a person in such a profession dictates that no one must really notice them or know that they are there, and at the very least, the less information available to the general public about them the better.

The job of a spy, in well meaning guesses, probably involves some travel, some pretending and some information collecting, all these events or situations happening in different amounts depending on the situation at hand. Thinking about it, I probably would make a good spy, at least in some respects. I do enjoy learning and storing information, I don’t mind travelling, and I greatly, greatly, dearly enjoy a good disguise. To put together a disguise, to carry off successfully a good cover-up of what lies beneath, that is an interesting thing, because in doing such an act you must be first aware of what you are trying to cover up.

While I am still running on the almost purely hypothetical here, to spy well, being noticed may be essential, as it is in the various dress up situations I have been in during my life, but it does not mean that anyone actually has to know who you are. A face, assigned to a different name, with a pretend background called up if needed, is very misleading compared to being entirely truthful. Aside from the quick discovering and collecting of facts, which I am generally very proficient at anyway, I think if spying, even at a basic level, required that and those two other things, travelling and having a disguise, then I suppose I could carry the act off.

I am not a deceitful man, not naturally, but during the course of my life, as it is now especially, I have learned to deceive others very well, if I so desire it. When sad, unless we actually want it, or we can not control it, people may be lent to hiding their emotions from others. Some people desire to not trouble others with their sadness, and while this, in itself, can often hint towards underlying psychological issues, it is something I have forced myself into doing on a few occasions. As I suspect is the reason of others who do similar things, I would have, at the time, much rather have continued with the situation, than break down during the middle of it. However, while I do this sometimes, I am not someone who carries a large load of pretence on his back. I do have something large to hide, but it is a significant private matter, and in the course of my work, it is not very often that I get directly asked about my private life. Socially, well, that is a different story, and I think that is why I would make a very good spy, at least in some form, some way.

When I hide, when I put away parts of myself that I would like to remain hidden during that period, I can do it well. When I need to remain the same face with something going on underneath, then I do so, and some of the time I have no regrets. I would make a good spy because I have learned to be good at hiding and I have become adept at passing myself off as something while being someone else. I could spy well, because I can absorb information and use it at my discretion, and at the end of the day, I come out of the other end as safe and secure as I can be at the time.

I suppose, the only letdown on this imaginary side of things is that truly, I own far too many things, I love, far too many things, to put them all into two suitcases only. The condensing of life, that part of being a spy, a true spy, not just watching people in coffee shops as they do interesting things or look interesting ways, that is the bit I find truly impossible. To get up and leave everything you love, just at a moment’s notice, and to not know for sure whether, when you are in a distant land, will you ever come back, that is the only part of this construct that I find truly unsettling.
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