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07 July 2008 @ 02:15 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 238: Question 238  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 947

Freudian Slip.

Parapraxis, say it slowly, word it out, look at the roots of the word. Beside business, if you take it one way, looking at those word tendrils, having taken them apart and considering them as individuals in a line, but really meaning a blunder, another action. Indeed a Freudian slip is just that, a slip of the tongue, the memory or the body, in place of something intended or proper, that reveals a surfacing subversion of the unconscious mind, or so the school of thought on it goes. Is it a Freudian slip for a man to call his wife by a name that is not her own? If he does not intend it, if it comes up unintentionally, then it probably is, especially if he is tired, stressed or being unfaithful to her. A Freudian slip does not always follow guilt or precede anger, but it sometimes can, because it is due human nature to make mistakes when we are guilty, and to be angry at mistakes, especially when we think something is being hidden from us.

In the time since the death of my wife, I have been in such a situation with other women, when I have called them by Marianne’s name. Not now, though, rarely now, and not obviously at the very least, because sometimes, just some of the time, I may reply to something like what she usually directed towards me, a course of action, of speaking, of intonation, that reminds me of her, but isn’t coming from, her, of course. However, the Mar of Marianne, or the Qu of Queenie, it is quickly discovered by me before it goes any further, and is hidden away with a cough, a splutter, a hiding of the mistake that it is, the desire that can never, ever be fulfilled. Before that, however, during some of the occasions soon after I got back into the swing of things in the months, in the short years following her death, I did utter her name aloud in the place of someone else’s, and for that, I was sorry. I did desire her then, I do desire her now, but my body, and my mind, unconscious or conscious, all these combined seem to have realised that I was pining after something that could not be reversed back into being.

In the due course of living, people make mistakes, I accept that as both a fact and a truth. People make mistakes, they lose things, they mislay things, they speak words, sentences, thoughts and ideals aloud and they may slip up, place something, somewhere where it does not belong. Humans are not perfect, neither is anything else that exists in the present day, that we are aware of. People are prone to making mistakes, because they are not perfect, because somewhere, along the line, an item, a something, a piece of information is mislaid, put into the wrong place, and then, when it comes to wanting to be used, it may not be found, or if it is, it may not be able to function properly. Freudian slips are no different a mistake from losing your keys in the living room, the bedroom, wherever. They occur, at any rate, at any place, depending on the situation and the state of the person who, how do I say it, creates them, gives them forth. You’re more prone to losing your keys if you are upset, as you are quaffing Freudian slips, if you are also, upset.

Fortunately I am not psychologically ill, not majorly, although on days, I do have traces of depression. It isn’t a majorly interrupting thing, though, not anymore, but I feel as if it is relevant to what I have been through in the past years that I have lived. I make mistakes, and a person does not have to be ill to do so. Yes, I lose my keys, I lose my newspaper, and I slip up with my words occasionally, that is part of life as it comes, bit by bit, turn by slow or fast turn. If I desire, I even lose control over my inhibitions and I have wild adventures of a nature traitorous to the rigid abstinence that a patriarchal witch hunting society of the past might have expected of a man of my stature and, marital condition.

In places there are rigid codes of conduct, rigid moral standards that are treated with anger or dismay if they are broken or twisted anew. I find rigidity disappointing and pointless in this sense, in trying to control a person’s freedom. In work related issues, many rules and regulations are good, but, in normal life, ah, we can only have so many before the concept of living seems to have become primitively dystopian. That is part of life, really it is! Making mistakes, letting go, exploring and being innovative with how you act, speak and think, that is part of life! We are humans, and we are curious, brilliant, subversive, subjunctive, imaginative, all that and more. If we make Freudian slips, a concept that was named so long ago, by Sigmund Freud himself, and discovered, long before by my guess, then that is just that. We have made a mistake, as it were, and we handle it was we desire or see fit. Then we get on with life, because we are, oh, we are brilliant, interesting people. We should live life, suckled by the succulent nature of our good words and our intentions, and, if mistakes are made, they are taken for what they are, unintentional misgivings, happenings, occurrences, and then, they are left at that, just that, and we move on.
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: Hotel Song - Regina Spektor