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18 May 2008 @ 10:28 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 231: Question 231  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 795

"Everything passes. Nobody gets anything for keeps. And that's how we've got to live." Haruki Murakami.

People say grief passes eventually, that at some point in the future you will see the dead person’s life for what it was, wonderful, and then, you’ll be able to, move on. Like the years, or the decades you spent with them, can all just be swept into a box and stored away so you, yourself, can live in the present without whoever it was you really loved. Grief though, that deep and impenetrable sadness, I’m afraid, it doesn’t really work like that. I have seen people break under grief, I have seen their very inner selves shatter into a thousand million glass pieces, I have done that myself, and you can’t just sweep all the pieces up and put them to one side, you just can’t. It’s like trying to refreeze an ice cream while you are standing in the middle of Central Park on a hot summer’s day, it’s impossible to just put it back together again, straight away, no worries, no concerns, no troubles about it all.

Whether or not you are experiencing grief, irrelevant of whether you are feeling happy or mad, time will move on with or without you, and you can not help it, always being caught within its unbreakable clutches. It is the human condition to complain about the passing of time, how we may have wasted it or how we wish we could have it back, like it was a real and viable commodity that is able to be traded from person to person. You can wish all you want, I wished all I could when my wife and sons died, but a single person, nor group of people, can turn back time and fix everything that has gone wrong. The only thing we can do, being the current survivors of the passing of time itself, is help out with the current situation. We can not prevent a fire that has already happened, from starting, no, we can only put it out once it has happened. When a building falls down, we can’t rebuild it and spot the disaster beforehand, we can only search for survivors.

Time passes, that is a fact that is already certain and true. Grief does not pass like how some people would like it to, this is also truthful. Then how, if time keeps creating change, do people deal with grief and move on with their lives? Time heals all wounds, as the saying goes. This is true, but only to a degree, in that time heals all wounds, only to a certain extent. Grief, being a kind of wound, yes, the passing of time can lessen it, but a nugget of it, a reminder of what has been, will always remain there, within you, contained in a ball of emotion brought about by your progress after the fact that hurt you in the first place.

As the seconds, the minutes, the hours fly by us, we change, and whether we suffer or are enthralled because of it, depends on the event, the occasion, the happening that these ticks of the clock bring about. Everything does pass, because everything must change, it must move from one moment to the next, even if it stays the same afterwards, everything must keep moving. There is an irreconcilable fact about the passing of time and all this, differing, from one moment to the next. As humans, we feel the passing of time in a mental and physical sense, compared to say, a rock, that changes but feels nothing. We are intelligent beings, one of the most intelligent creatures that we are currently aware of, and we realise things, on such a large and personal scale, that we scrabble desperately to keep hold of what we consider important.

The thing is, grief may lessen, time may change you, but always, always, as a person, you are still human. And if you marry someone, if you have children, it goes without question that you want to keep them for as long as you possibly can. Except time changes everything, eventually, it will remove everything you have held dear, it will change it, destroy it, or move it to another place, another state of being. Whether or not you are still around to see that change, that difference, well it does depend. If you are present though, if you are around to suffer loss and grief and all those horrible emotions and experiences, then that is how you live. Things change, things fall away and you lose them forever, and, yet, so often, despite all that we lose, we continue. In a way, all truth concerned, the fact that we so often continue despite drastic change and loss, it is a wonderful thing, twisted yes, but wonderful too.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson