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31 March 2008 @ 11:15 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 224: Question 224  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 659


Mad.


There was a lot of pain and suffering caused by the 9/11 attacks that has echoed throughout the days, weeks, months and years since the precise moment the planes themselves hit the Twin Towers. As someone has said, we will be adding names to the register of deaths caused by the event, for a very long time now, because not only were there people on those planes, people working in those buildings, there was deadly dust and flying, falling bits of debris. People who survive in the now and present may someday develop an illness and succumb to it, all because of that event, and where they were in relation to it, for how long. It is not a fair thing, no, but it has become, yes, a mere fact of life, much like how we die when we are old. These deaths that occur now, many years later, as a result of the attacks, are something that happens to not all people, but they do happen. People who are old die, but people who are young die. All the people who worked to combat the results of the falling towers, the fire and the debris, we are at risk. Not all of us will die because of it, but some might. Even innocent bystanders might die, it is up to the future to deliver these rippling results to us, I am afraid.

This makes me, and others I am sure, mad. I am not a man leant to reckless or over imposing anger, so while I can display those levels of madness, this kind of mad, is simple frustration. I work with death all the time now, in my job, I see the ins and outs of murders, suicides, accidents, mere coincidences of time where one person was there, and so was another, or others. The fact that such pointless death occurred, and still continues to occur, it is so stupefyingly silly.

I suppose that when I say mad in this instance, it is being mad, but not on a level of obvious, physically present anger. Nor does this madness at all these deaths simmer in me, always, an ever present sinking presence, no, no it does not. I am mad at the deaths that occurred as a result of 9/11, then, and now. I am not mad at death itself, because death must happen for life to go on, no, I am mad that these deaths occurred. I am mad at the people who orchestrated them, who made them happen, who let all these ripples ring throughout the echoes of time, to be present for hundreds of years to come, and even further than that, perhaps. Yes, even though fire stokes itself within my belly as I think about all the malicious intentions of that day, how those people who made it happen, got their wish of large and lasting damage, it is better now than it once was. I can get mad now, and I can let go of it within a short time, an hour or so, not long, not anywhere near where it used to be.

The thing about being mad, having madness seeping through your veins, it is best to learn how to let go, no matter how difficult that can be. I see the results of madness in the city around me every day, the gaping hole at Ground Zero, the angry guy yelling for his bagel at lunchtime. Keep mad though, and it destroys you, from the inside out, and it causes you, it can cause you, to do horrible things, under the name of yourself, or someone, something else, that dominates your life. Let your madness go, and try to manage it, and if you get mad sometimes, it doesn’t matter, but always, always, try to let it go. It’s not worth trying to scrabble to hold onto it, not for one moment, no, not for one moment at all.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Masochist - Ingrid Michaelson