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25 September 2007 @ 06:17 am
Theatrical Muse: Week 197: Question 197  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 1305

Is there anyone in your life who you feel is exceptionally wise? Who, and how did you meet this person?

I’d like to say my father, but my father is one of the wisest people I know, and he is my father, so the length at which I could talk about him and the length at which I have already thought about him, is endless. Mac though, Mac Taylor is a very wise man indeed, who I have not known as long, and who I still find endlessly fascinating, as both a person and as a psychological facet of tapped into, honest, good nature. Not that my father is no longer endlessly fascinating to me, but all people who know their parents generally come to the point where talking about them, is, how do I say it without sounding rude, a comfort on top of an already comforting presence. It is nice to talk about one’s parents, but there are also many other, just as interesting and important people around to be examined in much detail, at length.

Yes, I do feel that Mac Taylor is an exceptionally wise person. I do sometimes feel a certain bond with him that is not possible with my other colleagues, because we have lost similar things, similar people, under the same circumstances. However, it is not because of this, no, no, that is only a small and recent part in the scheme of things. I have known Mac for a long time, and I had already known him for a while before we lost our wives, and I have always though him wise during this course of living.

Mac is a good man who has survived because he is a well meaning and honest type of person, who knows when to put the needs and concerns of others ahead of himself, but will not allow his own being to come under harm or accusation in the process. He thinks very well on his feet, and he uses, accurately so, his past experiences with the world, and with certain types of people, in order to allow himself to better handle whatever situation he may be facing in the present moment. As a past military man, he leads a very ordered life, and is very efficient with his work, I think, because he sees the effect he can have on the world, his potential to do so, as a mark of how good he is. With this orderly way of functioning is brought a certain degree of loyalty to the people he works with and to those who he seeks to defend from harm or accusation.

Why is being a good, honest and loyal man wise though? I know some people who have a similar nature to Mac, and while they may be wise in some lengths, they are not like him. Being knowledgeable and knowing how to differentiate between right and wrong may make you wise, yes, but it will not automatically make you a good or beneficial kind of wise person. By the dictionary definition, then most human beings could be considered wise, but Mac, he is something different in the matter. He knows the difference between right and wrong because he has spent many years learning how the world functions, how things can go wrong and right, and now, he uses all the knowledge he has accumulated during this course, to help others. I know people who are wise investors, I know people who are wise buyers, buying food items or other things in large amounts when they are cheap, but Mac, Mac is an exceptionally wise, kind and good hearted person. He puts forward his own sense of being wise, into the world, so people can be helped by his actions and benefited by his knowledge.

Nearing in on a decade ago now, Mac lost the person he loved the most, and this destroyed him. Knowing him before and after the fact, I see now that he smiles less, and is longer to be roused to laughing than he once was, although, at times, I do see small improvements on these matters. He also sleeps less and works more, as do I. When Mac lost Claire though, it did rip him apart, it did destroy him, but the mark of a man as well functioning as he is, is that he came back together again. While his destruction was not really physically obvious through actions or displaying of emotions, no, not really, he is now better than he once was, and so the same goes for me.

In terms of numbers of people, I lost more than Mac did, but in terms of love, in the strength of emotions, we lost the same. The truth is, on that day, we lost a person, and for me, people, who we loved the most. Mac is a man who functions so very largely on the inside though, and we only really see his emotions very visibly when he is very angry, or very happy. Otherwise, he could smile, and you may very well miss it, but through his words and actions, he shows that he is a good person, however way he functions. While I too, am largely lent to an internal kind of functioning, the way I dealt with Marianne’s death was a bit differently to how he dealt with Claire’s. I did fall apart more visibly than he did, and I have kept more physical memories than he appears to have.

Although I didn’t exactly know it completely at the time, Mac has gotten rid of many things that remind him of Claire. Too painful for him, is what he says, and I believe him completely, utterly, because it is painful for me too. He is more internal than me though, he can survive on memories and photos alone, but I need something more. After Marianne died, I did pack up most of her clothes her shoes, bags, things like that, but there are still many things of hers, necklaces, pencils, a briefcase, left around the house. What I feel when I look at them, while it does arise pain within me sometimes, it also reminds me of what we did together when she was wearing those things, using those things, that have been left out and about. There are not many of them, but what I haven’t packed away is unobtrusive and does not trouble me significantly. I have not been over to Mac’s place on a regular basis, but when I have seen it, you almost might think he had never been married, except for some telltale signs which, maybe, I only spot because my home is still the same way. For me though, coming to my house, you can tell that I have been married once, obviously, because there are still pictures on the wall, drawings on the fridge, her umbrella in the stand, comforting things, for me, at least.

I consider Mac an exceptionally wise man because he is a strong man, who has survived some terrible adversity. He has lost and triumphed, and when he works, I can detect that gleam in his eye, like a dog latching onto a good scent, and he will follow it to the end if he sees fit. He will defend what is right, and he will see that criminals, that people who do wrong, are tracked down and sent to where they belong for their own, just punishment. A long time ago, we lost more than both of us ever should have, and while it has changed us both, he still continues, I still continue, and it is a good thing. I am glad for knowing him, because without him, without his support, his friendship, and his impenetrable, infinite wisdom, I doubt very much, very, very much, if I would be as well off as I am today, right now, at this very moment.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: All I Ask Of You - The Phantom of the Opera