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07 March 2007 @ 09:23 am
Theatrical Muse: Week 167: Question 167  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 700


Write about disappointment or disillusion.


Contrary to the subject matter I often talk about, I do not live constantly in the past, I’d like to make that point. But here, wherever it is, this is a place where I can talk out all that has happened to me, all that I have done after it happened, so I can try to make a more continual sense of it. Perhaps, as some may say, to understand the past is to understand more of the future as it happens to us. Something like that, anyway.

Disappointment and disillusion are two words that can be often closely associated with one another. If you buy a magazine for the recipes, as I often do, and are then told that you need to buy half the ingredients in pre-packaged pieces of cake mix or sauce packets, then you are disappointed, and hopefully, disillusioned with the recipe. I wouldn’t call such an atrocity a real recipe though, but I am getting off the track of things. I tend to do that a lot too, or so Sheldon tells me. As well as Mac, Stella, Lindsey, Danny, ah, I wonder sometimes if they truly appreciate the value of a quality, choice, good story.

Back to the point though. Disappointment will often marry itself with disillusion, which comes after the fact, or it may occur the other way around. Either way it happens, the two terms, the two situations, often hold very close quarters with each other. To be disappointed is to not find great amounts of joy and satisfaction in something, or even none at all. Disillusion occurs when the veil of illusion is broken and the secrecy that it created is thrown asunder, revealing whatever monstrosity or atrocity that lies inside. You can imagine then, that something that does not live up to expectations, and instead is something else entirely different from what was previously thought, can bring about both disillusion and disappointment. See! There, I have made my point!

I have slept with many people during the course of my life, both male, female, and otherwise. I have long since learnt an important lesson, to be careful, but also another one, in that not everything that appears one way, is necessarily what you expect it to be. There are women, both post-op and never to be operated on, that can pass off perfectly for men, as can men for women, and both sexes for something in-between genders, an androgynous, angelic kind of wonder. I have been fooled a number of times, by foxes as vixens and cows as bulls, but I am, as always, an open minded man. I see beauty in the many, many forms in which it can occur. People can fool me, but that does not mean I will resent them for it, or withhold any desired and intentional love or passion. It can happen though, if you desire one thing, and get another, yes, you can be disappointed and disillusioned, but if particular things are a particular way, then sometimes, if you can do what I do, and go with the flow, then the situation can be turned around, to be an enjoyable one after all.

Disappointment and disillusion may often go hand in hand with one another, but the circumstances in which they are brought about, do not always have to be saddening or interrupting of happiness. If you get a salad laden with pepper when you asked specifically for none, or if the dish described is not at all like the dish served, then yes, people are very within their right to feel both, and should seek that the problem is righted. If someone appears a pleasant and orderly person, and turns out to be abusive, then take action, and hold yourself up high. If someone presents as one thing, and is really another, then, if your preferences do not lie that way, that’s ok. However, I am and always will be, a deviant kind of man, so inclinations, deviations and deceptions can be part of my repertoire of past and future experiences. It is simple as that. While not always enjoyable, disappointment and disillusionment can sometimes be enjoyed, and quite very much so.
 
 
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