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28 January 2007 @ 06:55 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 162: Question 162  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 749

I never thought I'd say this, but...

There is something incredibly attractive about Stella Bonasera. Of course, being who I am, and a generally likeable and open minded person at that, I find a decent amount of women attractive, whether this beauty lies in themselves mentally, spiritually or physically. I say physically, not to be an atypical male specimen, as one of my feminist female friends would put it, but simply because, to be honest, there are some very pretty women out there, who severely lack in the complicated thought process department. To be fair, they aren’t always blonde either, or even female, on occasion.

But back to Stella. As history goes, I have known Stella, Mac and even Peyton for a fair amount of time now. This is no surprise, as I am a home grown New Yorker to many, if not every extent, so even in my early days of, yes, cutting up dead bodies, I was aware of the people around me, in such related fields as Crime Scene Investigation and general police work. Of course, to survive in this line of work, I think, really, you have to make friends with the people you see and work with everyday, because the shared breathing space, the fluency and dependability are all built, in this business, upon being able to rely on one another. Such a functioning alliance can only come about through friendship, and so therein lies the constant solution of what I have with my own co-workers.

Although it is, perhaps in past now, with Peyton possibly drifting out of the picture, watching Stella watch Mac with Peyton is a painful affair. Happily married, as I was, so recently in the general timeline of my life, I have never been one to step over the barrier of workplace relations, or to presume things I had no knowledge of, unless, of course, the barriers were broken and the knowledge made available. If we consider broken boundaries and newly discovered facts, then, yes, on occasion, I have had, certain, trysts, in relation to where I work. Never in the wrong way though, and indeed, my wife, was the only person who took prime residence in my life, no matter who I fucked. So, yes, I understand workplace romance, in some ways, but never, really, as a fully single man.

Either way, though, it is evident, at least to my eyes, that Stella likes Mac, and that Mac, is, well, damaged. Claire, who I did know somewhat, was his world, his joy, his everything, and now, without her, getting back into the step of things, has been hard for him. Stella, has had several bad experiences, and now, ah, perhaps, has trust issues. She’s liked him, for so long, wanted him somewhere deep down in the recesses of her soul, for all this time, I can see that. Watching her, watching Mac and Peyton, tears me apart, because, we must consider, on one hand, Mac is happy and on the other, Stella is, somehow distraught.

What has helped me in recent years, is the friends that I have made, because of my particular line of work. If I didn’t know them, had never met them, I can’t imagine how much worse of I would be. Of course, the assumption is to assume that I would have a different collection of friends from the workplace, of people drawn together, me included, by a certain bond of loyalty and companionship. I am not sure, however, if that would be so, because, let’s say I had stayed a Chef fulltime, in return to that possibility, I would say that the world of cooking, while sharing similarities, provides a different kind of relationship with other people, than where I am now. Stella, though, ah, yes, I do like her, and I think she is a very beautiful woman. I know my boundaries, however, and I know, even I admit, that in my deepest thoughts, she belongs where she wants to be, with Mac, or, someone, she might find in the future, who may not be as close to home as she is.

With Mac, still with Peyton, at least somewhat, because of that, things have changed, and because Stella and I both see what she wants, I think more recently, we have come a little closer than we have been in a long while. More on that later, however. I think I have talked enough. She is beautiful though, Stella is, and so very fine a person as well.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Flying - The Beatles