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09 January 2009 @ 06:48 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 264: Question 264  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 739

"The past is never dead. It's not even past." William Faulkner, Requiem for a Nun.

That is a very astute statement by a very talented and important writer. It is true as well, both for the public at large, myself included, as well as the criminal aspects of our society. A criminal carries his past with him, showing it up through his recent actions and crimes, just as much as someone who has suffered some grievance during their life, continues on without committing a dastardly act. Every single day of our lives we carry our past with us, and even in sleep, in the loss of consciousness, we are tied to what has come before that very moment, because our past life, our past experiences, our culture and our heritage, remain with us always. What we have done, what we have had done to us, it does help to create some of our future. Our past, any individual’s own past, it makes up who they are and who they may become. While it does not constitute the makeup of a person entirely, all their future choices and experiences predicated by what they have done before, it does influence how we act, how we continue on.

What the past shows us, as a collective race, is that people can change, because of what has come before then, and also because of what they imagine could come. One day, a person will not like artichokes, and the next day, they might try some and they just may love it. Each person can change, each person be different from one day to the next, but it truly depends on what kind of person they are as to what will happen to them. In us, we carry our past, and while not completely, it does help us to be who we are, who we can be. From slavery to equality, from segregation to being together, to all the opposites of the past becoming whole, humanity has moved on a great deal from the ignorant bliss of caveman living, but we still have a long way to come. Yet again, and forever, we must be aware of our past, what we have done, and we ought to, we must, use it to create a better future for ourselves.

I am a man, indeed I am, who knows how the past can affect someone, how it can be carried within yourself, identifying you invisibly as someone marked, in a moment that has long since passed by, with the irremovable mark of despair or tragedy. I know what it is like to be so vibrantly aware of my past that I could almost feel it as tangible in the moment, instead of a memory of a past moment where the moment itself could be touched and influenced. I wish, on some days, that I could touch the past, because nudge a moment here, unwind a spell there, and my world would be different. I would be better off, well, at least happier, if Marianne and my boys weren’t gone, because they were snatched from me. It’s not like we were divorcing, or she was being drawn away from me for some reason, no. One day, one morning, she went off to work, she took my two sons with her to show them the world of the big people, of business, and then, as fast as you can clap your hands together, she was gone. Like the sound of a clap, the sound from it, the ramifications of the falling of the Twin Towers, has echoed for me, throughout the years since.

The bitter truth is, that whether we like it or not, and fortunately I like it most of the time, we carry the past with us. What we have done, what we have lived through and experienced at the past, at the hands of anyone or anything, that becomes part of us, and whether or not this is evident is subject to how influencing it is. Our parents raise us to be good people, and hopefully we are good people, that is how life goes. For most people, we can not ever run away from our past, because it is not even really the past in many ways, no, the past is us, we are our past, we carry it always, in many forms. There is no letting go of it, because it makes us who we are, it reminds of who we have been, and who we will become.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Galvanize - The Chemical Brothers