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31 May 2006 @ 06:01 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 128: Question 128  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 465


What does 'comfort' mean to you?


Comfort, to me, used to have no ends. It was limitless and unending, never ending dare I say. It used to mean a whole range of things, and was produced as a result of being loved, so dearly, that I thought my heart could burst. Comfort, used to mean staying in one place, and getting comfortable, but, really, that is not how it goes anymore. After all, I’m a cook turned coroner, as some of the oh so word gifted laboratory technicians term it, even though, technically, I’m a Medical Examiner. There’s a difference, oh, yes indeed, there is.

Comfort, used to mean being loved by the ones I held the closest.

I heard of a female Priest, who, after, September eleventh, could not forgive the terrorists for what they had done, and, felt that, she could no longer be a Priest, because she could not do that one simple thing. She couldn’t forgive another human being, or, human beings, in this case, for the wrong they had done. I think she may have lost someone, or some people, as well, and, if that is so, that only serves to strengthen the matter.

I can’t say that I forgive them either, for what they’ve done to me. I’m angry, yes, but it’s not something that consumes me. The important, deciding factor, that puts me apart from other people, who have suffered a similar kind of fate, is that, what they did to me, what they did to New York City, the United States of America, and, ultimately, the world, doesn’t consume me. I’ve gone on from there, in some ways, and not at all in others. Really, it is, truly, hard to explain, how I feel.

Comfort, now means, doing what I can do get by, knowing that, I still have my faith, especially the faith that I will be with my family once again, in the future. I do not wish for death, no, no, do not even try and misinterpret that given information, but I just know, in my heart, and, in my soul, what will happen to me when I’m gone.

If it means playing the drums, or the guitar, that I keep in my home, until my fingers are sore, then that’s what I’ll do. If it means working three days straight, sacrificing some, if not all, of sleep to get through it, then, that’s what I’ll end up doing. It’s funny, in a way, and eerie, in another, because, without my family, I now find comfort in the simplest of things. Yes, I used to do that when I had them with me, by my side, but now, it’s different.

I used to have a wife and two sons, Marianne, Christopher and Michael, and now, they’re gone. I miss them.
 
 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Silence