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05 October 2007 @ 07:20 pm
Theatrical Muse: Week 198: Question 198  
Name: Dr. Sid Hammerback

Fandom: CSI: New York

Word Count: 460

If you could have any mutant/super power, which one would it be, and what would you do with it? (If you already have a mutant or super power, what one would you trade it in for?)

I’d be Superman. I know, that’s more a collection of superpowers, but, right now, at this very moment, I’d be Superman. I sure as hell don’t feel like a Superman, or the Superman, but, still, I would be Superman, Clark Kent, the whole deal, if I had to. Because, if I was Superman, then maybe, I could turn back time, and, maybe, I could save her. It’s worth it, at least, to imagine, because it makes me feel better, at the end of the day, for a short period of time, especially when I’m having difficulty sleeping. When I have difficulty falling asleep, specifically, sometimes, I imagine that I’m a superhero, that I’m Superman, or the Green Lantern or even the Flash.

I doubt whether even Superman could save my wife, my two children, my sons. Surely, not even he, could remove an event in the past that is now, so concreted into time, that it seems impossible to remove. An event that affects, and has affected, so many, many people. It has touched Mac, it has touched me, and I thought we were the ones beyond reproach in life, the invincible ones, as it were. Or, at least, I did, for a while, in my absent minded daydreams in the years prior to the destruction of the twin towers on that fateful September day.

The possible, intricate reality is, and, it is a reality that most certainly exists, is that, life moves on. People overcome grief, but it will still linger with them for eternity, as will the guilt, in some circumstances, when they feel that there was more that they could have done to help a person, or persons, to survive. I am guilty of that, of that certain weakness, but, in many circumstances, but, as it always happens, really, it is my strength. The fact that I know she died loving me, will quell the sadness, the guilt, the fear and trepidation when I need it to. It will not make it disappear, and it may return again, full force, but, at least, I know I have something to help, something to comfort me. It’s all I need, some of the time, and, other times, I’m just lost, and, I don’t know what to do. Either way, I knew love, compassion, friendship and warmth. I can go to my grave knowing that I, at least, did something for her, for them, before Marianne, Christopher and Michael died.

I was her Superman, their Superman, and even though it’s not really, or, not at all, my fault, I still let them down. I let them down because they died, knowing that I love them, and with I knowing that they loved me, and I never got to say goodbye.
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: The Outside